Everything manifests first in our mental world, and only then in the physical. That is why it is very important to understand your own, and then other people’s, mental patterns. Apart from physical violence, of course there is also mental violence. Exactly that, it seems to me, requires a lot of attention and triggered alarms, since it is often planted in society as something normal and in some way precedes physical violence.
September 22nd was the National Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women in memory of the 1999 violent murder at the Zagreb Municipal Court. On that day, during a divorce lawsuit, police officer Mato Oraškić killed his wife Gordana Oraškić, her lawyer Hajra Prohić and the lawyer’s wife Ljiljana Hvalec.
October 10th is approaching, when, according to the calendar of the World Health Organization, World Mental Health Day is celebrated. Violence and mental health have countless links. Have you heard of the terms gaslighting and red flags?
The term gaslighting comes from the film Gaslight (1944) in which a man uses manipulation to convince his wife that she has lost her mind. That is, that she is crazy.
Gaslighting is described as a slow manipulative brainwashing technique in which you begin to doubt your reality. In yourself. In the literal factual circumstances you are witnessing. As described, perhaps the emphasis should be on the fact that this is a slow technique. It runs slowly, smoothly and quite sophisticatedly through other people’s actions.
Often shrouded in frequent praise and bad deeds of good intentions. So how then to recognize gaslighting relationships? Unfortunately, it is inevitable that today almost everyone is witnessing some kind of gaslighting. Or, what is worse, that he is unconscious and carries it out himself. Especially in relationships that boil down to changing the person you are in a relationship with under the guise of forced compromises, for the purpose of better functioning.
Who are you and how dare you tell me that my perception is distorted?
The first alarm for recognizing gaslighting is certainly that you are being accused that your feelings are not justified and that your perception is distorted. So, you have evidence for something, and the other person convinces you otherwise with his skilful words and confident approach. The first question you should ask as a quick knife for cutting nonsense is: who are you and how dare you tell me that my perception is distorted?
To tell someone that his perception is distorted and his feelings unjustified is a non-physical attack in which lies a huge amount of manipulation and disrespect. Don’t let that happen. From no one. Be aware if you are doing this to someone. And don’t do it. Never. Women have a subtly developed sixth sense called intuition. Yet so often do they turn away from him.
Society, of course, likes to joke with a female premonition as unstable hormonal levels, tripping and the like. Female intuition (and what else is feminine) is under the gaslighting of a collective society. But if every woman deafened herself to the same thing and began to listen unconditionally to herself and her intuition, I believe she would avoid many sufferings and sacrifices. It tracks signals in your body as reactions to something or someone.
Follow them without looking for any physical evidence. Observe how much drama and flood of self-worth you will avoid. The distortion of factual truths and the weak-minded play on words will never go through a person who re-examines himself and his patterns on a daily basis.
Coordinate actions and intentions
Furthermore, sirens sound when deeds do not follow the words spoken. That is, when bad deeds are justified by good intentions. Welcome to a sophisticated description of nothing but lies. Narcissus have a doctorate here. Be aware of that and recognize it. With myself and with others. We can all make mistakes. There is room for error and forgiveness, it has always been and always will be. But it depends on how, in what way, how often and in what time period.
Don’t turn your head away from bad treatment towards you. Even those close to you. In the immediate vicinity, gaslighting is the most difficult to notice. No one has the right to do you harm. Not even the one related to you. Sometimes the best forgiveness for bad deeds is to get away from the perpetrators. Read that again. A quick knife for cutting nonsense in this case is – harmonize your actions and intentions so we might even hang out.
Thank you, but…
We also got to that fine and smooth part of the gaslighting technique. Praise, praise, praise. Manipulatively, praise will arrive right where your weak points are with the intention of making you feel more confident and fulfilled. Which will automatically create in you an invisible dependence on opinion, praise of the covered, gaslighter.
It will never be often enough to emphasize how important it is to know yourself and work on yourself for the sake of yourself to the extent that no one’s criticism or praise can bind you to the opinion of its giver. Praise and criticism can be useful in the service of upgrading and creating, but unfortunately, they hold a negative connotation of comparison and addictive attachment. Therefore, be careful with that. A quick knife for cutting served nonsense: thank you, but praise or criticism is not food for my value.
The famous red flags fluttering over toxic relationships didn’t think so . I’m not good enough over suspicion-filled and belittling covered relationships . Over fear-wrapped relationships better with someone than alone . I can’t get over addictive relationships without him . And so on, and so forth.
For me, the only red flag you have to give attention and importance to right away and on time is a bad feeling. I don’t feel good about you. Boom! Enough red flag. Enough to question what I gain and what I lose in this relationship? Am I rising or falling? Am I happy or unhappy? Do I live independently or am I addicted?
Am I acting out of fear or out of courage? Do I build myself or do I allow others to build me with their opinions and actions? Do I know myself well enough to meet others? Do I trust my feelings or do I put them in someone else’s ownership of manipulation? I don’t feel well the only red flag you need. No additional evidence.
B ****, don’t kill my vibe
There is no excuse for violence. There must be time and space for mental health. Would there be violence if we all had mental health? If you look at it from the point of view that it mentally precedes physical health, you won’t hesitate for a second to provide time and space, attention and attention for your mental health.
Otherwise, there is a high possibility that you will buzz through life as a protrusion controlled by your own unconscious reactions as a result of other people’s actions. Which, ultimately lead to your bad unconscious actions. It is never too late to question yourself or your surroundings. Turn on your light bulb and let it burn so hard that no one’s darkness extinguishes it. Or, in the words of my favorite Kendrick: B ****, don’t kill my vibe …