Why do you not live like other people? – Because I am not “other people”

20180907_174356Talking to my relatives these few months has represented a mental challenge for me. A challenge that is assembled of obstacles to endure bourgeois stories, while listening to never-ending stories of politics, how in the past it was better to how to live my life. An mission impossible with me in the main role.

After some time, I completely lost the feeling that I called once this place a “home”.  For me, the home is a feeling of self-determination when I get up, what I eat, what I cook, where I go, when I come back without redundancy and overwhelming.

I was thinking how many of us, thirty-year-olds, are not aware of how much this decade determines the direction in which we will be socially positioned.

And the theory that you can really change your life by 180 degrees if you are responsible just for yourself, but if you are responsible for another or two living beings, you realize that your egotism and needs for the next twenty years are not and will not be in the first place.

For this reason, I respect everyone’s right to choose, but do not respect the philosophy of how someone else has it easy or easier or “see her buying a dress from a couple of thousand” because she chose a completely different direction life.

While somebody builds a career, someone else brings up children, some manage to pull both at the same time, and the point is that we have all the different physical and mental capacities, wills and motivations to achieve our own goals.

Growing up in a small town I have seen from the firsthand how your parents, relatives and society you live in could influence your own life and your choices in life. The myth that you will not be able to get out of this sludge jobs from nine to five and that you will return home asking your love ones where you went wrong and why nothing worked out for you. There are still myths that middle-class exponential growth and success does not go all the way linearly up, one-step at the time.

According to that myth, if your parents have finished high school, for you the norm would be a college degree and up to 50% higher paycheck than their individual pay. If you manage to “survive” without any loans, you will fall in to ten percent of the richest people in Croatia with little common sense without problems.

It sounds tempting that life when is lived according to the masses or weaned that your ultimate goal is to get yourself out of shit. The sluggish taste in your mouth begins to feel as you develop consciousness that it is not your desire and life is too short to live with the social power. Or you just get lost and forget what you wanted to accomplish while you were a kid.

Some years ago there was a talk that there will be a big business center in my home town with lots of job opportunities and everybody will get a job there. Believing in various different political promises and games, my naively hoped that I would be so lucky mitigating circumstances that my work place will be literally under the nose.

After all those years, that business center is being developed in a slug kind of pace and few people expect a magical job position, if it is not already pre-determined. It is a typical story of a small Croatian place where everybody knows everyone.

Thus, my grandmother with a few of my family that came to visit over the holidays commented that I was “smarter” I would already have a safe job there.

Because my dream is to work from nine to five jobs two hundred yards away from home so that I can build life on a famous Balkan motto: House – job, job – house …

I avoid such discussions with rolling my eyes telling them that I do not want to open my mouth and lose time on those topics, especially good-for-good advice that has nothing to do with good intentions, let alone advice.

A dozen minutes of searching my life, which has nothing to do with the last years of my life, ended with a briefing:

“Marta why can’t you live like other normal people?!”

“… because I am not “other people”.”

„And you are not normal.” – my husband would add if he was present

 

Why do you not live like other people_

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38 thoughts on “Why do you not live like other people? – Because I am not “other people””

  1. Good for you! Find your own voice, make your own decisions on how to live. If people question your decisions, nod and smile and thank them for their input and then move on. ‘Yeah, that is an interesting perspective, I’ll think about that.’
    And if you can, avoid the annoying people who constantly question you like that, but I realize sometime you can, so nod and smile and move on.

    Karen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L loved this post. Who wants to be normal! I’m just going back to work after maternity leave and questioning lots of things about where I want to live, how much money I need, how much family time I get, so this resonates with me

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  3. Love it “cause I’m not other people”. I spent so many years trying to justify this same thing to my family. I live my life the way I choose to. Of course our parents lifestyle has some influence on how we live but it’s important to tweak it to fit you.

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  4. I am glad you got to find your own voice, make your decisions, and live your life. I left my parent’s house when I was 22 and moved to the other side of the globe. Have not regretted it. However, they try to pull me back and be like a “normal American”. I am like, I am not like normal people.

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  5. I just had to read this again! It would seem like where you live, the family pressures and sometimes attitudes are the same as they are here in the US. Expected to fit in and be “normal” so that others can feel comfortable.

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  6. Great post. What I find truly amazing is that there are people who judge and influence us throughout every stage of our lives. In the beginning, it may be our parents. In mid-life, it may be friends and co-workers. Now, I’m startled to discover that it is my own children who I want to please … and who have strong opinions about all my choices. At every stage of life, it is truly difficult to know those you hold most dear are disapproving. I wish love and unconditional acceptance was a default for us all.
    Joan
    kindness-compassion-and-coaching.com

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    1. Thank you for reading. It is true that in every stage of our lives we want to please somebody, but the funny thing that somebody is not us. We never try to please ourselves, only others. Why is that I wonder? Maybe because we are thought that we should not put us first, because it may be selfish. Hmmm.

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  7. I don’t know how people can believe in set rules like that in 2018. There are so many different options and paths, and things that can change your direction even when you’re on a path, comparison is really no one else’s business. As long as you’re happy with your choices, nothing else matters x

    Sophie
    http://www.glowsteady.co.uk

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  8. I think sometimes people have good intentions but just don’t understand where you’re coming from or why you’re choosing something or in a certain situation. Being on the outside is different from being on the inside.

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  9. There’s not really a way to live life. It’s not a cookie cutter where you have to do something or else you’re deemed lesser. People should be able to choose what they want to pursue (unless it involves violence). It’s unfortunate when there are so many promises for a better future but things turn out different thanks to politics and other influences.

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

    Liked by 1 person

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