The other day I read a column about fashion copy-paste trend in which withdrew parallels that all women are “equal in their diversity”. In fact, it is not a problem in one piece of cloth that most fashion addict will wear, but where I see the challenge facing every other person is a re-examination on which side to “belong”: fashionable for some Danish, Swedish, Chinese beauty of life while fleeing from Croatian dystopia because Denmark was until now only seen on postcards, but it is modern to be criticized for everything that has to do with the mainstream and everyone only takes from life what only fits you.
In this case, I take the third philosophy into focus.
Philosophy: I live and I create my own rules of my own life.
I believe that we all want to live the way we visualize it in our heads without any limitation of the circumstances, the limitation from the people who wish us well only when we do not stand out and we are not exploiting the maximum of our potential.
In the first case, you have several options. You can try to be the best of the best ever, but if the environment persistently undermines your efforts and does not share the same values of progress and transparency with you ask yourself how much will the environment have an impact on you and how much will you have on it?
Another option is to strengthen enough that you are knowingly going to change your own environment regardless of the price. But are we really willing to pay the price, banging your head through the wall for a better future of that environment that lives in the past, year in and year out?
I openly admit – I do not (anymore).
A few years ago I was very ambitious giving my best in order to be initiated and tried to create a critical content, trying to reach out to people and show them on my own example that the change for the better very possible.
What happened was that some people whom I called friends were mocking me, rolling their eyes at me, faking kindest, while talking in the cafes that I had certainly gone mad using the most famous saying to attempt to undermine the other, “who flies high …”.
Today I can confirm that I’m crazy, but I’m ready to die for what I believe.
In the meantime, I got, but just a bit, smarter and realized I do not have the time to waste on people, places and events that when you put it all together don’t play a crucial role in my life.
I still did not give up looking for people sharing the same values as me.
However, there is a concept / a trap: conformism and what happens is when we grow to the desired level we realize that we are comfortable at that level because hey, we worked hard to get where we are and we need to blow off some steam.
Take a break from of that hard work we did.
Conformism is defined as an uncritical attitude towards evil, in order to be socially accepted by the group we are identifying with, even when it does not have the correct attitudes. While conformist is a person who unquestionable adjusts to views of society and their usual practices.
Are you conforming to these regular practices?
My view is that the answer “No, I do not conform to them” is present in a small minority, but how do you get the attitude and judgment to whom and what to adjust to, and to simply brush it off and continue on your own?
Only when you put on paper what are your current problems, what challenges you face, what are your desires, what are your values, where you want to be today, tomorrow, in ten, twenty years, then you will have a more complete vision are you and how much stuck in you are in established routines of society.
My first problem of conformism was collage. I wanted to in role it to it, but looking deep into myself, first I had to ask questions do I wanted it at all, and if I wanted to – why did I want it, or if I did not want – why not?
Taking collage as an example, the other questions that impose itself: whether I want to deal with the job I am educate myself for, why do I study that if I do not want, do I go where most go because it’s “safer” … I can type thousand more questions.
What matters is that you write these questions for yourself, for every problem, for every challenge. All on paper.
It’s great to have ideas in your mind but if those ideas only stay there a realization can become absent.
Goals larger than life
Coming to goals we come to conformism.
When did you stop dreaming dreams bigger than life? When did the dream of becoming the best dentist, millionaire, fashion designer, actress, photo model become “Nah, I will enroll in to collage and see what happens “, “No one from my society has achieved, so neither will I.” …?
It became at the moment when you stopped listening to yourself, and began to listen to others. Somewhere around your twenties because when you were mad at puberty you thought you were untouchable.
Personally, I thought I was so untouchable that with my 110lb I thought I was could fight with a biker who is two times bigger than me. I am talking about that kind of untouchability. For that is worth living.
Where no one will tell you where your boundaries are, what color is ideal for your hair, how to raise your own children, what dreams are worth the effort, discipline, and work.
Feel free to add your example to this list.
Are you still afraid to stand out?
Mark Manson, the one whose book is called “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck”, says: “You cannot be a powerful and life-changing presence to some people without being a joke or an embarrassment to others.”
When you accept that there will always be people who will support you and that there will always be people who will laugh at you, at that moment will open a wide range of opportunities about what you are doing for yourself.
Still, there will be people who are incredibly close to you who will tell you that what you are doing is not right for you, your family members, your partner, friends who are your friends until you realize that you have completely different long-term interests.
I am not going to suggest to you that you get rid of those who do not fit into your vision of life, even though I did it myself. You will have to decide with yourself for yourself.
However, that looks like you have grown a third arm and you do realize that it isn’t very useful but you got use it. Then after that realization you take a saw and you start to cut it from you, without any anesthesia while reviewing and questioning your entire existence.
Because you can do it all by yourself. Without the help of those who want to let you down.
When I was in my own doubts, I wondered if people around me wanted the same thing as me, did the same people believe that I could write a book about that will be turned in to a movie someday, whether they wanted to live in New York, whether they wanted to have 365 days of sun-drenched skin in California, do they want to be the best version of themselves, do they want to stop eating crocuses and chips?
In 90% of cases the answer would be negative, but in the remaining 10% I found touching points with people who might not want to write a book that will be turned in to a movie, but they want to write a book that will help other people. It is worth to surround yourself with such people.
Others are worth a “thank you” note for all the good they have made for you and continue on your own way.
Enlightened by this year I am concluded that you definitely die only with your own thoughts, successes, failures, regrets and accomplishments.
No one except you will know what and for whom it was worth living for.
So then while you are alive, while you still have the opportunity to live the best version of your life – what are you waiting for?
Better conditions, circumstances? Create them.
The partner you want to grow with? Do your best to be a person who deserves such a partner.
To do a dream job? Educate yourself for it.
Whatever you do – do it with full lungs, with fervor and with the belief that only you know what is best for you.
Because after all, this is the only truth.