A few months ago, I began a mind game with myself, and it’s called Define what you’re scared of. Every day I take ten minutes and think about what I’m afraid except of Scorpius, and I add some fears to that list. At first they were typical human fears – loss of vision, hearing and memory. I am not afraid of my own death because I’ll be dead anyway and it will definitely be worse for those who stay behind me.
My fear lies in panic thinking that one day I will forget who I am, what I have been doing so far, who are the people who made my life special. I thinking what if I can no longer plug headphones into my ears and boost my Paradise City feeling like I’m sixteen and thinking what if I do not remember one what I have been experiencing while waiting for those movie moments that I thought were only possible in the heads of creative scriptwriters. What if one day my tattoos remain just a symbol of a time !?
These are all assumptions that if one day, and yet at times we forget to ask ourselves what we fear – today? What are you afraid now, this Sunday afternoon while mentally preparing yourself for the new work week digesting Sunday lunch in the warmth of your own home? Nothing? Who are you lying … !?
Are you afraid to start practicing tomorrow, because you know it will be painful after ten squats? Are you afraid to start writing graduate studies because you know the college days are over? Are you afraid to give up because you expect an uncertain period that is worse than chronic dissatisfaction with your current job? Are you afraid that everything will turn out just as you imagine?
Two years I have been writing and designing articles for my blog, to present it to a few months ago. I have a feeling that September was one hundred years ago, not just six months ago. The critical question in my mind was whether I would find enough will to start something from scratch while I did not know where it was going to take me!
And I think this question is a common denominator of all of us who are afraid of success and are waiting for the right moment to do something. Perfect moments just do not exist and we learned this by listening to many gurus of quality living. There is a moment in which we take responsibility so that we can ask what we will, if all goes to hell and perish?
In the constant thinking of whether the fear of success is worse than failing, we are struggling with the limits we set ourselves instead of moving them constantly. For that reason, I went back to the unknown again, I went back to testing and moving my own limits. Life no longer has a general test, and every mental attempt at the start is condemned to failure because when we think that we “try” we are only opening up a great space for failure and a sentence that we will say, and it reads: I knew that everything would go to hell !
But do not be fooled by the fact that we are only setting boundaries for ourselves, but the society is setting them up with a preemptive and condescending look “what do you need that in life”. If I ever listened to the look I felt on my skin I would probably be sitting with my granddaughter in front of the TV and watching Sunday at 2. There’s nothing bad about it or hanging out with your grandmother, but there is bad in wasting your time, and such a hanging out is a waste of time . Not every encounter with each person should be motivating, inspiring, or productive, but it must not consist of a single point in silence as Stankovic asks questions to the guest of the show.
And speaking of silence, I found myself in the shopping center for a cup of coffee. Next to me a woman who is feeding a child and her partner next to her who is playing mobile games. They sat at the table before my arrival, and they sat while I was leaving. Everyone looking at their own cell phone, she occasionally looks at the kid. Stillness. Maybe this is just one of the bad days I caught them, but I was wondering to myself what if that day was just a bad life sequence when we set the boundaries – in education, in decisions, in the child’s upbringing, in choosing a partner !?
Is it possible to feel tremendous every other day by looking forward to what will happen the next day, positive tremor when we are optimistically enrolling a new course, dancing classes …?
Bad days can not be avoided because it teaches us what it means to have good but the step in choosing stagnation instead of progress is centimeter by centimeter closer to a bad life, which as there is no general trial has no reprieve either.
So before all that goes to the hell and falls, do not let it not even begin.
If you fail, you will fail in style of attempts.